It was June 1. I wanted to open a new chapter in my life sans the burden of relations. But, I was not successful in my attempts.
Yesterday, I broke all rules. What to do?
Morning I spent an hour on treadmill and read the book by M H Abrams on A Glossary of Literary Terms. My anger had not calmed down. It did not pave way to calm. I was sweating. Watched the pores ooze water. Tiny drops on my tanned skin. Yohaan howled that I had dirtied the machine with my sweat. While, he kept his bike on the rolling rubber sheet. I was too lost to take notice of anything.Numb to everything. Nothing mattered. Loser, as Yohaan teased. He is a child and did not know what I was going through mentally. Superficial advices. Only true help came from my old parents.
Kept looking at the ticking clock. The anger was not against anybody else but directed towards my on self. I was oblivious to the world around me. Danyl was crying but I did not get down to soothe him. Unmoved by the sound I kept walking on the rotating belt. I was like a dead body walking. Bereft of all the loving emotions that I had harbored in my heart. How could I become so bitter so soon? I was trying to read my own emotions. Trying to come to terms with the realities of life.
Strange. People had always told me that I have the innate ability of turning hell into heaven. But this change was sad. From better to bitter. The only sentiment that I was strongly experiencing was hatred. Extreme pain. Extreme guilt. Where did I go wrong, God? Of being fooled. Of being tricked.
I had to rebuild tools in my first-aid box: My watch, my pen, my pair of shoes, my camera and the confidence that my parents instilled in me. Please God, don't let me down.
I have to work on everything from scratch. Tough.
Law. To take it up or not. Time is crucial. And I running short of it. I wanted to immerse myself in work. I called up Neo Academy. History repeats itself. Just like the way I ended up being a journalist. This is a new challenge that I have taken. Of direction. I always wanted to join FTII, Pune but then job and age caught up. But, now I am going to fulfill my dream. Radio is also something that I am fond of and slowly I will catch up with my passion.
Yesterday, I broke all rules. What to do?
Morning I spent an hour on treadmill and read the book by M H Abrams on A Glossary of Literary Terms. My anger had not calmed down. It did not pave way to calm. I was sweating. Watched the pores ooze water. Tiny drops on my tanned skin. Yohaan howled that I had dirtied the machine with my sweat. While, he kept his bike on the rolling rubber sheet. I was too lost to take notice of anything.Numb to everything. Nothing mattered. Loser, as Yohaan teased. He is a child and did not know what I was going through mentally. Superficial advices. Only true help came from my old parents.
Kept looking at the ticking clock. The anger was not against anybody else but directed towards my on self. I was oblivious to the world around me. Danyl was crying but I did not get down to soothe him. Unmoved by the sound I kept walking on the rotating belt. I was like a dead body walking. Bereft of all the loving emotions that I had harbored in my heart. How could I become so bitter so soon? I was trying to read my own emotions. Trying to come to terms with the realities of life.
Strange. People had always told me that I have the innate ability of turning hell into heaven. But this change was sad. From better to bitter. The only sentiment that I was strongly experiencing was hatred. Extreme pain. Extreme guilt. Where did I go wrong, God? Of being fooled. Of being tricked.
I had to rebuild tools in my first-aid box: My watch, my pen, my pair of shoes, my camera and the confidence that my parents instilled in me. Please God, don't let me down.
I have to work on everything from scratch. Tough.
Law. To take it up or not. Time is crucial. And I running short of it. I wanted to immerse myself in work. I called up Neo Academy. History repeats itself. Just like the way I ended up being a journalist. This is a new challenge that I have taken. Of direction. I always wanted to join FTII, Pune but then job and age caught up. But, now I am going to fulfill my dream. Radio is also something that I am fond of and slowly I will catch up with my passion.
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